Prom Night-Mares

It’s Springtime and you know what that means…it’s prom season. (Cringe!!!)

Dale and I went out to dinner recently and we noticed several couples who were dressed up and heading out to the prom.

I couldn’t help staring at some of the girls, wondering to myself, “Where did these girls get these dresses? Ho’s R Us??” Where were the parents when these dresses were being picked out? Are they really okay with this?

“Oh, honey, you look so beautiful! Now just be sure not to bend over or else your boobs and your butt are going to pop out at the same time. And just remember, you’re Mama’s sweet baby girl!”

I felt like we were in the middle of a underage porn convention.

My dad would have: 1) never bought me such a dress, 2) never allowed me out of the house had I actually somehow purchased such a dress, and 3) probably have sent me to a strict Catholic boarding school (even though we are Baptist) just for even thinking of wearing something like that.

Okay. So maybe I grew up in the 80’s where your entire body was covered in either lace or bows or satin, sometimes all three at the same time. Some dresses even were “Victorian” style, with lace all the way up to the chin. (My dad loved those). It was “totally” in style and I can assure you, no one was offended at our dresses!

Compared to what many girls are wearing now days, I looked like I was going to an Amish Barn Dance instead of the prom.

HHS Prom,  May 1986.  (I have to hide my friends faces or they will probably never speak to me again.)

HHS Prom, May 1986. (I have to hide my friends faces or they will probably never speak to me again.)

What’s with these new dresses?

What’s with the weird cut outs around the stomach?

Or the dresses that are open in the back all the way down to their butt cracks?

Or the hemlines that are so short they look ready for a gynecologist visit? I mean, seriously, girls! We don’t want to see your no-no parts.

I’ve come to the realization that some of these dress choices are the gateway for someone who will one day be trying out for the TV reality show, “Teen Moms” or worse, anything with the Kardashians in it.

And the shoes…oh dear, the shoes. If you are going to buy and attempt to wear shoes that are 6” high, please practice walking in them a few times so that you don’t look like you have unbendable plastic Barbie legs when you’re walking. It’s not attractive.

So now let’s talk about the makeup. I know the makeup in the 80’s was bad so I probably shouldn’t criticize the current generation’s makeup. They too will probably have to remove their makeup with the help of a chisel and a blow torch. I’ll admit it, but that is the ONLY similarity.

Why are they trying so hard to look like adults? I can assure you that I don’t actually KNOW any adults
who dress this way, but then again, I don’t hang out at strip clubs.

I’ve got to tell you…I sometimes really miss the fashion of years gone by. They left PLENTY to the imagination and most guys weren’t going to try to navigate through the layers and layers of stiff crinoline skirts and taffeta, so it was sort of like a fabric chastity belt.

Now I know that just because a girl dresses in a way that us 80’s kids used to call “easy”, doesn’t necessarily mean they ARE “easy.” But if a girl isn’t “easy” then why in the world would she (or her parents) want everyone to THINK she’s “easy” by the way she’s dressed? Make sense?

Maybe I’m just getting old. Maybe I’m just like my Dad, which I’m perfectly okay with. But I am quite confident that my step-daughter will not be looking like a hoochie mama when she goes to her first dance.

Not only because her dad won’t let her dress like one, but because her dad isn’t going to let her date until she’s 35.

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12 thoughts on “Prom Night-Mares

  1. Too funny! About 5 years ago, I went shopping for Christmas gifts for Ginny’s girls. I called her and asked where she bought clothes for them because I had been at the mall and every store might as well be called Sluts R Us! Luckily Nordstrom saved the day.

    • Speaking of being at the mall…Dale and I were talking earlier about how girls dress at the mall! We saw one girl whose shorts were probably no more than five inches from waist to hem. My dad was upset at me for wearing jeans with holes in them back in 1986, but at least I had on boxer shorts underneath them and my butt cheeks weren’t hanging out! haha

  2. Hee hee, Hos ‘R Us.

    I’m always appalled by looking at the selection of sparkly one-shoulder tops available for 8-year-olds – they’re shirts I’d pick up from Forever 21 for a night at the bar…if I wasn’t 31 and 20 lbs overweight LOL.

    • I remember my mother wouldn’t even let me wear black until I was 15. She said black was “too mature” for girls. Now, black would be fine, but the one shoulder tops would never fly with her. 🙂

  3. This is absolutely hilarious!!! One of my daughters graduated from high school in ’86….I will have to share this with her. I read it over an hour ago, and I am still laughing….thanks….I needed that!!! 🙂 Love your humor….can hardly wait for the next one!!

    • Thank you so much! You know my dad – can you imagine his face if he saw me walking around wearing a dress like some of these girls are wearing? It would actually be pretty funny! haha

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