Two young girls are playing together upstairs at my house. Even from downstairs, I can hear them giggling and dancing around the bedroom. One is trying to teach the other how to dance “Gangnam Style”. The song plays over and over and over. I shake my head. I have no idea what that song means, but it really doesn’t matter.
They are best friends, but these two girls do not have what many would call a “typical” friendship.
One is my step-daughter.
The other is the daughter of my ex-husband.
Yes, you read that right.
How did this unusual friendship happen? Well, let me explain.
My ex-husband and I divorced 12 years ago and believe me, it wasn’t cordial. Our divorce was finalized after two years of name calling of words that hadn’t even been invented yet, playing “This is Mine, You Can Keep That”, and paying barrels of money to our lawyers who loved us for basically covering their mortgages each month.
Fast forward another year when I was out visiting my then 85-year old grandmother in rural Mississippi. I had been griping about something my ex had done, when she looked at me and said “Why do you hate him so much? You were best friends until you divorced.”
“Well”, I began, “He did this, and this and this…” (of course, not taking any of the blame for myself!)
Pitifully, she just shook her head and said “You’re divorced. You don’t love him. He doesn’t love you. But you have a small child together and you both need to stop acting so selfish and start acting like parents. Forgive each other and move on.”
Ok. Let me tell you that when your grandmother (who normally has you on a pedestal and thinks you can do absolutely nothing wrong) begins to notice that you’ve become nothing more than a griping whiner, you have to really look at yourself. What I saw wasn’t pretty. I had always been a cheery, happy, funny Mommy but somewhere I had turned into an extremely bitter person, and I didn’t like myself like that.
Upon returning home, I called my ex and told him what my grandmother said. We decided we needed to try to work out his – I mean our “communication” issues. Although we had never argued in front of our son, we realized that if we wanted to bring up a good, well rounded child, we would need to stop the constant complaining and arguing. The plan worked. Over time we actually were able to become friends again.
We realized the important thing was for our son to be able to see his parents as respectable friends who just couldn’t stay married. He didn’t have to choose sides: he could spend weekends or holidays with either one of us and it was okay.
My ex married a wonderful lady who has become a very good friend to me. I have said before that I would have been drawn to her as a friend if we had just met at an office or school. We really get along and I especially appreciate how much she loves my son.
My ex and his wife now have a ten year old daughter. I would babysit her when she was a baby and I’ve watched her grow over the years into an amazing young girl. I have been to her birthday parties and I have cheered her on at her soccer games. I adore her.
I remarried three years ago, and as unconventional as it sounds, I invited them to my wedding. We introduced their little girl to my new little step-daughter. At first they were shy around each other, but soon they began running around the reception like old friends. They danced out on the dance floor and giggled over slices of wedding cake.
They truly hit it off. They now spend the night at each others houses as many times as possible. They do arts and crafts together. They build tents on the catwalk overlooking our living room.
Although they have both voiced that they would love to have more siblings, (sorry, but this baby factory is CLOSED) neither of the girls has a sister. One afternoon when I was putting away freshly laundered clothes, I overheard them trying to figure out how they could possibly be sisters because they sort of share the same brother….my son.
And now as I sit at my desk writing this post, I hear them upstairs laughing and playing, and my heart giggles along with them. It is so amazing to me that out of a sad and hurtful past, a beautiful new friendship was born. And what could be sweeter than that?
But I still don’t get what “Gangnam Style” means.
Awww! I adore this story. My parents divorced when I was 11 and were always wonderful about keeping things cordial. My mom and my step-mom get along wonderfully now, and that means the world to all of us. So sweet. And they did a great job on their monster wreaths!
Thanks so much! A lot of people don’t understand how we can all be friends, but it works and the kids are all happy. I’m glad your mother and step-mother are friends. I think it’s good for kids to see that people can put differences aside and get along. 🙂
As the wife of the ex- stepmom of your son- Mom of the girl in your story (lots of titles) I love the story. The readers should know how much my daughter loves you!! Yes, I know, very unconventional. My friends don’t understand but always admire the situation. I don’t have any family in town so it has been wonderful having you as a friend that loves my child. You are always on her list to pick her up from school in case of emergency.. Why be any other way. Life is too short to be in constant battle.
Thank you! I am glad we are all friends! And you know how much I love R. She’s a sweet girl who has a special place in my heart!
And as Dana’s mom, I will say that everyone benefits when everyone gets along.
And Gangnam Style is a 2012 dance pop single written and performed by Korean pop singer PSY.
Mom – you copied that straight out of Wikipedia. You have no idea what Gangham style is!!! haha
You are so right about that! I can hardly pronounce it! 🙂